Q&A: Shaking hands With The Opposite Gender
Question
“Salam Imam,
I am going to be graduating this year and I fear that I will have to shake hands with non mahram in order to get a job. Additionally, if I do make an excuse to not shake hands with non-mahrams and get a job, I will come across situations where I will have to shake hands with non-mahram later on.
I do not wish to compromise on my faith. Consequently, I am thinking of wearing gloves for carpal tunnel. Carpal tunnel is a condition that causes a person's hand to cramp up a lot and makes it difficult for the individual to work. The condition is common among programmers. In my case, I might have to stretch the truth a little bit. Would the lesser of two evils principle still apply here.
Although I really like this idea, I have one concern. It could be argued that shaking hands with a non-mahram through a thick cloth would be similar to giving them a hug while they are clothed. Could you kindly address this concern too?
I do acknowledge that I can be straightforward and tell people that I do not shake hands with women. However, I would like to do anything but this (with the exception of engaging in haram).
Thank you very much for your answer.”
Answer
“Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah,
Dear brother,
Your question is a very common one and it’s a scenario that all Muslim men and women have to deal with, especially in the work force.
An easy way to explain yourself to the other party is to simply say in a cordial tone: “It is not permitted in my faith for me to touch a woman other than my wife”, while keeping your hand on your chest so as to convey a gesture of respect. Usually this will not generate any form of offense.
If however you do plan to wear gloves as you mention, then some scholars have allowed shaking hands with this precaution in place, and others have still disallowed it. It is a choice you will have to make.
However, it is usually better to make your position known from the get go, especially in an environment where you will be working long term so that if the day comes when you don’t have your gloves on, and someone approaches you with a hand shake, you will be put in an awkward position if you refuse to do it and then they ask you why, since you’ve been doing it in the past, you will have to explain the whole reason of why it was ok when you had your gloves but now it’s not… You see what I mean? I think it’s easier to just make your position known from the start in an environment where you will be working long term.
However, for the one-off occasion where you may only be seeing or meeting this person once, then the glove solution can work if you choose to opt for this option.
Now the difference between shaking hands with gloves versus hugging someone is that when shaking hands, the contact is only taking place between the inside of the palms. The glove acts as a barrier between you both so that there is no actual physical contact between the two parties and you are not feeling her bare skin.
However in a hug, your whole body is pressing against hers and all her body parts are being felt all over yours, not to mention your faces being extremely close to each other and her hair possibly getting in your face and you smelling her scent up close. There is a tremendous difference between a simple handshake with a glove on and a full body hug.
You have to remember that in Islam, the reason (sabab) for the prohibition of skin to skin contact with a member of the opposite sex is to prevent fitna (temptation) and shahwa (desire) from taking place. Hugging would cause just as much temptation and desire despite the presence of a barrier (clothes) and despite there being no skin to skin contact, so the prohibition would be just the same.
This is a short video which may help explain the situation further and some solutions you can use:
I hope this answer has helped and I pray that Allah SWT grants you success and ease in everything that you do.
Wassalam!”